02 January 2011
Happy 2011!
Its a new year. 2011. Well, it wasnt as nice as last year. Perhaps a sad and empty one? On New Year's day, I kept thinking and thinking if I should wish you? But I guess, I better not. Because you wont reply anyway.
It has been a year aft we were tog. Till now, the day that you accepted me was the best New Year gift I had. The happiness and sweetness of calling you dear and darling. I still cant forget the first day we met at shss at CCA fair. Also, our first date at Iluma-which I couldnt pronouce properly -eluma? I also kepy bending down, cause I couldnt hear you. And when we reached the bus-stop which I wanted to give you my first. But was shy. Of course the passing of sweets too.
Each and everytime when you lie on my shoulder. I would ask myself, how lucky I was to have you holding my hands and letting my arms to wrap your waist, combing your hair, your fringe to the side. There was also once which we didnt met for 3 weeks. That was really not an easy time for me.
I also remembered how funny and cute you was when we was caught by your sister's friend. The I Love You sweets which you looked so surprise when you asked what I wanted to give you. Also the Birthday wish you gave me. Tho there was no presents, being with you was the best gift ever.
On 22nd April was a day that I was at my bottom of my life. At the bench when you even let go of our hands, that was the last straw. I just cried in front of you, I couldnt hold back anymore, I kept asking myself not to cry on bus when we are on the way. But I did. Thanks for the tissue you gave, I still kept it in my drawer.
Sometimes I really regret breaking up with you. Because I knew I couldnt forget you at all. There were many times which I tried to forget you, by laughing at you on fb, making you angry. But that doesnt work at all. Speaking the truth, everytime I did that, my heart breaks. Thats why I apologise to you on your birthday. Sorry that I didnt get you a gift I promised.
I kept the promise to study hard. On the first few days of school, I kept studying and neglected you. You was angry, so I kept my pace down, so I could have more time with you. Skipping my CCAs at times to meet you at night. But I found it weird when you asked me not to put all my focus on studies, while you did, and didnt care about me in the end.
You once told me when you cried because of your studies and issues with friends, "You are my only source of motivation". Its true, I lost all of the motivation to study when you're not by my side. On 1st June, our promise and also 12th Nov after your Os. These were the two days that I cry myself to sleep. The letter you gave, was the best tap I have, there was never once I did not cry reading just the first sentence. That was the first and the last I Love You you wrote to me.
Keeping our promise, I have gotten a GPA 4.0 last semester. The highest one could ever get with Distintion. Also, wanting to go poly faster to be with you, I took up O' lvls English every Friday. I could say that, you were my motivation to work harder each time.
Now, it had been eight months after our breakup. One thing that I would like to tell you. I was never with that girl you said. Yes, we went out to the places I wanted to take you to. Yes, I liked her before. But, the only person I love is really you. I was devoted and faithful to you. I never once glance at any other girls or change my mind no matter how many times we quarrelled.
I sometimes just wish that I could be a better boyf to you, and give you 100% freedom and 100% trust. Not getting jealous, not demanding us to meet. and just letting you do anything you liked. I regretted that I controlled you too much. I regretted that, I was jealous about you. I regretted that I ignored you before our relationship. I regretted for making you angry.
But it was all because I love you. Last year on countdown, I thought I would have someone to welcome the New Year and Christmas with me. But, it never came true. I kept talking to some of my friends, wanting them to lighten the sadness in me. But, they soon called me naggy. I could only keep every sadness in my heart and cry silently.
I'm not sure when will we meet again and what will happen if we meet on streets one day. How would I feel? Would I cry? I dont know. I just want to tell you that, I still love you. No matter what you did and how you treated me. I'll still wait for you to come back and give me your love again. 我爱你。
Labels: GT-LY
Posted by my memories at 9:33 PM
